by: Zoe Burris
In Francis Ray’s novel, I Know Who Holds Tomorrow, the sudden death of talk-show host Madison Reed’s husband has brought her face to face with the reality of grief as well as the truth about her husband’s infidelities. Just after her husband’s death, popular talk show host Madison Reed discovers that he had a mistress, who was also killed in a car accident. The plot thickens as she is also faced with the decision to adopt the now orphaned child of her deceased husband and his lover. Though a reviewer of the novel stated that the plot is “far-fetched”, many black women have lived this reality.
The plot of this story discusses how, in many cases, sudden death may lead to serious emotional and psychological issues in both children and adults. When dealing with death, many black families handle grief in a way that is counter-productive to the healing process. Though the black community is rich in its use of ceremonial actions to commemorate the death of loved ones, there are also some important steps to be taken when it comes to handling the grief that comes along with losing someone. In the case of Francis Ray’s novel, there are also children involved. It’s important to not only help oneself through the grief and mourning period following the ceremony, but there is a responsibility in helping affected children to process and understand their emotions.
Here are some important tips that should be used in handling grief following the death of a loved on.
1. Talk about everything. Let the child lead. Even young children. Learn what they know and answer their questions. Mainly listen and be fair. Respect what they are saying. Be kind. Sometimes saying “Ummm,” is all you need to do. Besides, you’ll discover they might know more than you do.
2. Grow comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” We don’t have answers for everything, especially on cultural or religious differences. When we attend a funeral, we do so out of respect. And love. There is no need to worry or feel embarrassed. We are there to honor and show our respect for a life well lived.
3. Cry. Cry together. Cry often. It’s healthy for everyone.
4. Hold your loved ones. All of them. Include animals. Remember, children are often forgotten at funerals. You might be the only one to touch the child that day. That kindness will be remembered forever.
5. Do admit to needing help. Even a child’s help.
6. Expect a child to be lonely for a time. It’s natural.
7. Buy a book about death for your family library, one with pictures of different cultural customs. Think about your own philosophy of life for a few minutes too.
8. Allow children to play funeral, complete with customs.
9. Include children when creating your own family funeral rituals
The important thing to remember when dealing with loss in any family is to surrender to the fact the we are all human. Dealing with loss will never be easy, but togetherness and support are the keys to making it through with little to no scars.






Discussing sexual abuse in the black community, although it is quite widespread, has ever been taboo. While many may point the finger at a particular gender or type of person, the reality is that the abuser and the abused can be a man, woman or a child. “Sexual abuse is actually reported more in low income areas where a high number of blacks live” (Stone). Still, there are many undocumented cases because many victims, either do not tell anyone due to fear or shame, or they tell their parents or guardians and the incident goes unreported to the authorities. In the areas where sexual abuse is widely reported, it’s mostly because families “tend to be more in contact (for a variety of reasons) with public agencies like the U.S. Department of Welfare and the Department of Health and Human Services, etc, where they are more closely observed” (Stone).
Within the black community, it is largely untolerated to live outside of the social norms placed on gender. The male is expected to be the providing, strong, dominant personality, and the female should occupy the opposite side of the spectrum as his submissive, demure counterpart. However, despite these expectations, members of the LGBT are ever-defying people’s ideas of gender identity. As defined by the American Psychological Association, gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice, or body characteristics.
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