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    The Well-Fed Black Writer is here to provide authors life-hacking tips to improve their processes of writing, publishing and marketing their own books.



Do We Celebrate Too Much When Loved Ones Die?

by: Zoe Burris

In Francis Ray’s novel, I Know Who Holds Tomorrow, the sudden death of talk-show host Madison Reed’s husband has brought her face to face with the reality of grief as well as the truth about her husband’s infidelities. Just after her husband’s death, popular talk show host Madison Reed discovers that he had a mistress, who was also killed in a car accident. The plot thickens as she is also faced with the decision to adopt the now orphaned child of her deceased husband and his lover. Though a reviewer of the novel stated that the plot is “far-fetched”, many black women have lived this reality.

The plot of this story discusses how, in many cases, sudden death may lead to serious emotional and psychological issues in both children and adults. When dealing with death, many black families handle grief in a way that is counter-productive to the healing process. Though the black community is rich in its use of ceremonial actions to commemorate the death of loved ones, there are also some important steps to be taken when it comes to handling the grief that comes along with losing someone. In the case of Francis Ray’s novel, there are also children involved. It’s important to not only help oneself through the grief and mourning period following the ceremony, but there is a responsibility in helping affected children to process and understand their emotions.

Here are some important tips that should be used in handling grief following the death of a loved on.

1. Talk about everything. Let the child lead. Even young children. Learn what they know and answer their questions. Mainly listen and be fair. Respect what they are saying. Be kind. Sometimes saying “Ummm,” is all you need to do. Besides, you’ll discover they might know more than you do.

2. Grow comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” We don’t have answers for everything, especially on cultural or religious differences. When we attend a funeral, we do so out of respect. And love. There is no need to worry or feel embarrassed. We are there to honor and show our respect for a life well lived.

3. Cry. Cry together. Cry often. It’s healthy for everyone.

4. Hold your loved ones. All of them. Include animals. Remember, children are often forgotten at funerals. You might be the only one to touch the child that day. That kindness will be remembered forever.

5. Do admit to needing help. Even a child’s help.

6. Expect a child to be lonely for a time. It’s natural.

7. Buy a book about death for your family library, one with pictures of different cultural customs. Think about your own philosophy of life for a few minutes too.

8. Allow children to play funeral, complete with customs.

9. Include children when creating your own family funeral rituals

The important thing to remember when dealing with loss in any family is to surrender to the fact the we are all human. Dealing with loss will never be easy, but togetherness and support are the keys to making it through with little to no scars.

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Inappropriate Touching

By Zoe Burris

Discussing sexual abuse in the black community, although it is quite widespread, has ever been taboo. While many may point the finger at a particular gender or type of person, the reality is that the abuser and the abused can be a man, woman or a child. “Sexual abuse is actually reported more in low income areas where a high number of blacks live” (Stone). Still, there are many undocumented cases because many victims, either do not tell anyone due to fear or shame, or they tell their parents or guardians and the incident goes unreported to the authorities. In the areas where sexual abuse is widely reported, it’s mostly because families “tend to be more in contact (for a variety of reasons) with public agencies like the U.S. Department of Welfare and the Department of Health  and Human Services, etc, where they are more closely observed” (Stone).

With the release of the novel Push by Sapphire and the subsequent, recently released major motion picture Precious, the realities of sexual abuse in the African-American home were made all too real. If the subject had been ignored before, this story of a barely literate teenaged girl, with two children, conceived through sexual intercourse with her biological father, made it even more a part of reality. A reviewer on Amazon.com stated that “I was a little uncomfortable with the narrative perspective because it was so blunt in its descriptions.” Perhaps this is the type of discourse necessary to get the point across as to the severity of the problem. One of the most compelling part of this story was when people outside of her home life actually took a moment and did what was necessary to help save her from the recurring sexual abuse, from both her mother and father, both physically and sexually. Reporting abuse can actually contribute to recovery from being a victim of such a traumatic act. Children and adults who were sexually abused as children have indicated that family support, extra-familial support, high self-esteem, and spirituality were helpful in their recovery from the abuse (APA.org).

It’s obvious that sexual abuse is quite prevalent within the African-American community. Research done in the last decade shows that the problem is not going anywhere. Many victims, especially those who go untreated end up perpetuating the abuse, perhaps through violence, sexual abuse of someone else, promiscuity or some form of criminal activity. The following statistics from the American Psychological Association provide the proof that there is a serious need for discussion and information about sexual abuse in the African-American community.

●     1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men report they were sexually abused as children. Of that statistic, 3.3 million African-American women have been sexually abused and 1.9 million African-American men have been sexually abused.

●     Family members and acquaintances account for 93% of predators.

●     66% of pregnant teens report a history of abuse.

●     66% of all prostitutes were abused as children by a father or father figure.

●     Incestuous abuse of blacks was more than three times more likely to be “very severe” (involving oral, anal or vaginal intercourse) compared with that of Whites…and involve force or physical violence and verbal threats.

●     Men who have been abused are more commonly seen in the criminal justice system than in clinical mental health settings.

●     Some men even feel societal pressure to be proud of early sexual activity (no matter how unwanted it may have been at the time).

References

American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/releases/sexabuse/homepage.html

Stone, R. No Secrets No Lies: How Black Families Can Heal from Sexual Abuse.

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Why Don’t We Get Help When We Are Crazy?

By Zoe Burris

Approaching the subject of mental illness within the black community has long been stigmatized. Even with the monumental strides that have been made in the business and civil rights sectors of the community, the understanding and acceptance of mental health issues as relevant to black culture, by statistical data, is proportionately low. Cultural biases against mental health professionals and health care professionals in general prevent many African Americans from accessing care due to prior experiences with historical misdiagnoses, inadequate treatment, and a lack of cultural understanding; only 2% of psychiatrists, 2% of psychologists and 4% of social workers in the U.S. are African American (NAMI.org).

The overall response within the community does not go without counsel or support for these areas. African Americans tend to rely on family, religious and social communities for emotional support, rather than turning to health care professionals, even though this may at times be necessary (NAMI.org). Also, there are socio-economic reasons why mental health counseling and therapies are not sought. African Americans are often at a socioeconomic disadvantage in terms of accessing both medical and mental health care – in 2001, 20.2% of African Americans were uninsured. With the changes that have been made under the Obama administration to the way in which we are provided health insurance, surely these statistics should change over the next decade.

With the recent release of the retrospective title The Healing by Jonathan Odell, which tells the story of a couple during the mid-1800’s, battling with mental illness and living in a world that didn’t see them as human enough to treat, it reveals the roots of the reluctance of African Americans towards mental health therapy. A reviewer of the novel stated that “after reading The Healing, I was lifted and felt healed – personally and for my ancestors!” Although there has been a serious lack of both black professionals in the psychology field as well as people seeking mental health guidance and therapy within the black community, with titles such as this showing up on bookstore shelves, the tide is certainly bound to change.

The reality of the need within the community is quite apparent when looking at the numbers on poverty and prison occupancy. The reality is, although African-Americans are not seeking the help, they are in definite, desperate need of mental health services from young children to the elderly.

●     African Americans comprise 40% of the homeless population and only 12% of the U.S. population. People experiencing homelessness are at a greater risk of developing a mental illness.

●      Nearly half of all prisoners in the United States are African American. Prison inmates are at a high risk of developing a mental illness.

●     Children in foster care and the child welfare system are more likely to develop mental illnesses. African American children comprise 45% of the public foster care population.

●     Exposure to violence increases the risk of developing a mental illness; over 25%

●     African American children exposed to violence meet criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder.

Sources

National Alliance on Mental Illness

http://www.nami.org/Content/ContentGroups/MIO/Fact_Sheets1/AA_MH_Disparities_04.pdf

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Discussing Gender Identity: Is the Black Church Keeping Us Down?

By Zoe Burris

Within the black community, it is largely untolerated to live outside of the social norms placed on gender. The male is expected to be the providing, strong, dominant personality, and the female should occupy the opposite side of the spectrum as his submissive, demure counterpart. However, despite these expectations, members of the LGBT are ever-defying people’s ideas of gender identity. As defined by the American Psychological Association, gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice, or body characteristics.

The recent release of Daniel Black’s Perfect Peace, a novel discussing the transience of gender identity, is causing readers to question their idea of gender and the restrictions society as a whole associates with it. When the seventh child of the Peace family, named Perfect, turns eight, her mother Emma Jean tells her bewildered daughter, “You was born a boy. I made you a girl. But that ain’t what you was supposed to be. So, from now on, you gon’ be a boy.” From this point forward, the Peace family is forced to question everything they thought they knew about gender, sexuality, unconditional love, and fulfillment.

A reviewer of the novel stated that “Perfect Peace is a morality tale of the consequences of letting our selfish needs trap the ones we love into roles they weren’t born to play. The characters here are as flawed, their sins numerous, as any living human being held under the lens, but the author brings a compassion and understanding to their plights.”

With the 3.1 million black mothers raising children without a father present in this country, gender roles have become less important than survival. Still, many associate a person expressing homosexual characteristics, with the lack of a certain gender in the home. As a culture that is ever bearing stereotypical labels and not to mention historical discrimination, it is a wonder that African-Americans embrace such rigid sexual stereotypes. “Many sexual stereotypes suggest that any feminine man is gay and any masculine woman is a lesbian. Those who believe gay stereotypes may also believe that homosexuality is immoral, wrong and an abomination” (Mije.org).

Much of the way that African-Americans view gender can be associated with religious beliefs. “African-Americans who are more religiously observant are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality.”. Over the last few decades, there has certainly been a shift in the way that gender roles are viewed. 50 years ago, many women did not work outside the home because it was just not socially acceptable to do so. Perhaps, in another 30 years the idea of gender identity will also be converted.

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